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Data Cartoons: Wanna Keep Your Job?


The Governess, Data cartoons for the Data Governance InstituteData Governance has entered the mainstream. There are thousands of you out there now, and frankly, you’re not all gonna make it. How do I know? I’m The Governess. I’ve been doing Data Governance since before some of you were born. Over the years I’ve watched a bucket load of people get fired, usually because of what they said rather than what they did.

 

Working in Data Governance means doing a lot of Conflict Management work, so we have to learn to say what we mean but not necessarily the first thing that pops in our heads.

 

I’ve recruited these two guys to share some “diplomatic” phrases that may serve you better than the sayings below. Yes, I know you pride yourself on shooting from the hip. So forget me and these guys. Go ahead and speak your mind. Unless you want to keep your job.

Good luck!

 

When people are showing up for the meeting:
When you are describing the issue:
When you’re facilitating a discussion:
When your group has reached a decision:
When the meeting is finishing up:
Who the heck are you? We’re in this mess! What an idiot! Time to actually listen! What a pain!
We’ll never get anything done! Our systems are fouled up! Don’t open that can of worms! Object and die! I hope we never have to…
A bunch of newbies! Budget is gonna get busted! Why do you keep harping on that? I won! Sucks to be you!
We screwed up before! Somebody threw out our documentation! You pay for it! Pay for this You’re gonna be in trouble!
This might get nasty! Another reason for what’s wrong! If you’d been listening… We’re gonna confuse the top dogs  
  Our idiot management… Working 12 hour days… I have no idea…  
  Following the rules this time This group can’t agree on anything!    
    What a pain you are!    
    Someone’s gonna get screwed today!    
    Should be obvious by now    

 

 

About The Governess

The Governess has worked in the Data Management industry since the stone age. She is brash, uncompromising and, to the relief of many, semi-retired. But above all, she is funny. She has joined the DGi as Humor Editor and brings us all the laughter we need to make it through the next meeting.